Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams

Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams
The intent of this blog is to create a teaching/learning community for those of you who want to expand your awareness and make a positive difference in your primary love relationship. Your primary love relationship is a mirror or hologram of how you interface with the rest of the world. Quality relationships allow the fullest expression of your positive energy and creativity. When we are successful in relationships we can expect to experience success in all areas of our lives. This success is experienced as appreciation, joy and abundance, the relationship of your Dreams!

Mediocre Relationships just happen. Quality Relationships are created.
Your primary love relationship is the most important investment you will ever make. Many lives are spent attempting to fix that which is broken on the inside through the pursuit of wealth, power and prestige. True wealth is found in valuing and nurturing your human potential and is expressed by your capacity to relate to and nurture those that are closest to you! Few people on their death bed ever said, “I wish I had worked more”, or “I wish I had earned more”. Most talk of those that they have loved and desire their presence in their parting moments. The effort you put into creating a quality relationship is an investment that will pay dividends throughout your lifetime.

What is a Quality Relationship?
It has been estimated that fewer than 5% of couples in western civilization enjoy a quality relationship. Even though they can appear very different from couple to couple, quality relationships have common elements. A quality relationship allows two individuals to grow and express their full potential as human beings. A quality relationship is a statement of the character of each of the partners. A quality relationship has partners that share core values. A quality relationship has a clear purpose or mission.

Your Help is Needed!
If fewer than 5% of our population report living in a quality relationship, then we are in a relationship crisis as well as an economic crisis! This Blog isn’t just for those that believe their relationship is a mess, but for those that have that exceptional relationship to share their wisdom and experience. There are thousands giving and writing advice about relationship – getting past pain, having better sex, how to get a first date and the list goes on. Your questions, thoughts and opinions are vital to the purpose of this Blog – Creating a Quality Relationship.

Post your idea or thoughts that define a Quality Relationship!

Quality Relationships are Fundamental to Economic Prosperity!
We are currently in the midst of the most expensive political campaign our country has ever witnessed. Political candidates promising change have spent millions upon millions of dollars to convince you to pull the lever for them. True change does not come from the spending of dollars, but from sincere efforts of individuals who invest themselves for the greater good. In the same way, quality relationships are created through the intentional efforts of men and women who invest the best of themselves in their primary relationship. How important is it that more than 5% of couples have the access and information to create quality relationships? It is extremely important. The cost of mediocre or failed relationships is counted in many ways. One cost is the number of children and youth that are doing life without the opportunity to know personal responsibility. These costs are multiplied many times over in the exorbitant costs of habilitation and rehabilitation of our youth. The cost of our social welfare and correctional institutions can be directly related to lack of quality primary relationships in our culture.

Quality relationships allow the nurturance and development to full potential of all family members. Quality relationships contribute to the greater good of the larger community. Quality relationships are fundamental to our prosperity!

Call to Action!
1. Set a goal of creating quality relationships in each of your life areas, beginning with those closest to you! Start where you are instead of waiting to find the ‘perfect partner’ or ‘situation’.
2. Become a promoter of quality relationship every where you go! Teach and promote quality relationships. Speak up! Let others know how important quality relationships are!
3. Do what you do best – share your wisdom; share your resources; share your gifts.
4. Post your definition of a Quality Relationship!

Russ Hardesty Nov 4, 2008


  1. I believe that a quality relationship is one that is mutually beneficial. Both partners benefit from the relationship; it isn't one-sided.

  2. I believe there are many facets to a quality relationship. A quality relationship looks and feels a certain way and it has an energy to it.

    But the first step is to be intentional. If you're going to boil it down that's the number one thing.

  3. I agree with the 'energy' as a characteristic. Each one is 'energy' and a quality relationship is that space in which our energy is fully expressed without being censored.

  4. It is important to be yourself and value the expression of the person you are in relationship with. But two independent individuals also need, as Russ stated, core values, goals and visions in common or else they are just two islands in the stream. The islands need to merge into some type of land mass, defined by the parts and making a "whole" of their own choice. It is true that the sum of the parts makes a whole. In this equation the type of sum is integral. How does this particular relationship come together? You cannot be in relationship if you never talk, never get together for lunch, never email, never have activities in common. What about the parts? Are they allowed to develop and become all they can be or do they feel that they need to hold back in order to not offend the other person? Is individual development encouraged, expected, celebrated?And what about the "whole" that is made? What will it look like? What will it accomplish that the parts alone could not? Does it make a stronger entity by the joining than by the staying separate. I think your book is a great idea especially in our climate of individualism and isolation that has been fostered by technology. We can use technology to our advantage to enhance our relationships instead of isolate ourselves.

  5. TParker, you make a great point about the independent and equal partners. The way two individuals come together defines the relationship. Relationship is the 'crucible' that promotes growth or regression of each partner's growth toward fullness. Love is being as concerned about my partner’s well-being as I am my own. Equality of partnership creates the condition of relationship or connection with another. Often that space where two connect is toxic through anger, fear, jealousy, self-doubt, or guilt which makes it impossible for the equality to exist. The space or the place for a quality relationship is safe, sacred and secure – therein lays the environment for equality.

  6. I am in a really good relationship with my second husband. I stayed single for 7 years before committing myself to another man after my divorce and I thank God that I did. My husband is nothing like the first one. Actually he is just the opposite in many ways. I married for the wrong reasons the first time and I married for the right reasons the second. My marriage is one of trust, respect, communication, honesty, dedication and our life-long committment to each other. We have been through so many difficult times but have worked together to keep the marriage strong. It has not been easy on either of us but because we started as friends, we remain friends in all aspects of our relationship. We compliment each other in so many ways. When I am upset or worried, he is the strong one who gives me hope. When he is hurting or tired, I am there to listen and give him strength. We learn to listen to each other without using words. Our relationship does become mediocre at times but even so, we are there for each other. We know that during these times that things will return back to normal in time. We respect each other enough to stay true to our marriage and to ourselves. We don't turn to others for comfort or form emotional affairs with others. We give each other space when that space is needed. We come from two different backgrounds and I feel that this has helped us in many ways to make this marriage work and in some cases it has caused some problems. We have learned from each other through the years that we have been married. My picture perfect marriage or what I thought was perfect the first time, turned out to be a nightmare. I married the football hunk who was the life of the party. Well that certainly didn't work for our marriage once the children came along. The party never stopped for the first one. I made the decision to marry a man that was financially stable, a great father, a super husband and a best friend. I have found all of that in my husband and I thank God everyday for having him in my life and my kids' lives. Thanks for allowing me to share with you. I will keep in touch and write more later.

  7. I'm thinking of all my loved ones - not just my husband relationship, OK??
    My first thought I had on evaluation my relationships - is Independent. I'm pretty free with and independent of the ones I love.
    Although on my second and continuing thoughts, I believe it's interdependence. I've learned some "freedom" in my relationships in experience, evaluating, and what I hear the loved ones say to me and how they relate to me. I'm usually pretty comfortable with my love, (Jim) and friends and family. I'm getting better in communicating and sharing my thoughts/opinions especially those that are controversial like this past presidential election. Each time I shared my opinion with friends, I noticed it was a "real" conversation. I loved the eye contact they gave me when I expressed my real thoughts! I think I'm feeling "present" more and more in my relationships. I disagree with TParker regarding not having a relationship if you never get together, email, have lunch. I have some pretty "quiet" relationships with seldom conversation.

  8. What an interesting post to read, thanks for bringing it up.

    Visit : www.Introductionsinc.com


Reader Comments

"...My spouse and I have been married for 32 years and I've experienced our relationship from giggly in bed, to passionate in bed, to mad in bed to "sleeping" in bed...As we grow older the intimacy definition changes for me. Intimacy also for me is just sitting quietly, or driving for miles quietly or walking just hearing our footsteps crunch the leaves, holding hands. My usual struggle in intimacy is in my head - I have to intentionally stop my daily to do list, my past and future stuff and live in the present moment..." Pam

it's ... smaller things to celebrate that create the real passion

“We have found that passion ebbs and flows but we set a goal for our relationship a number of years ago that is working for us. At least every six months we do something that will create a lifetime memory. For us, we love to travel, so it's been pretty easy to find something big to do that will create that lifetime memory, but sometimes it's the finding of smaller things to celebrate that create the real passion.” Steve Rae

What'll arouse passion more than the feeling of being forgiven?

“The "typical beliefs that people have when the “fire” seems to have gone out of a relationship" I believe are a) that you feel your partner should have changed or should not have changed and b) that you feel you should change or that you should not have changed.

Acceptance of yourself and your partner leads to forgiveness. What'll arouse passion more than the feeling of being forgiven?” Brian Massey

A word from Russ Hardesty

The realm of relationship is mysterious; filled with magic, surprise, excitement, passion, intimacy, loss, disappointment and creativity. I am fortunate to have a life partner who is at once a mirror, teacher, lover, nurturer, student and companion. In this place of mystery, I continue to grow into a mature, loving and free man. I welcome feedback, suggestions, and comments – which is a gift to me! Thanks for joining the expedition! Russ