Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Your Shadow Knows!

Once in a lifetime, everyone should fall in love. In that moment we know we have the perfect partner for life. Little do we know that the dream of our life may become our nightmare?


Dream or Damion?
What began as the perfect partner can become the nightmare or damion of the magical moment when you entered the mystical place filled with delicious intensity, called ‘falling in love’. Life seemed filled with bright days, the lyrics of songs took on special meaning, and you needed less sleep. The food you and your loved one shared together tasted better than any ever.

Crimes and Misdemeanors
As you were transported to this magical place, little did you know the magic of the moment was the paradox described in Woody Allen’s film, Crimes and Misdemeanors. Professor Louis Levy concludes: “What we are aiming for when we fall in love is a very strange paradox. The paradox consists of the fact that when we fall in love we are seeking to re-find all or some of the people to whom we were attached as children. On the other hand, we ask our beloved to correct all of the wrongs that these early parents or siblings inflicted upon us. So that love contains in it the contradiction, the attempt to return to the past and the attempt to undo the past.”

The Shadow Land
Unconsciously, you discovered that for which you have desired; long before you had the language to describe this Nirvana. You encountered the one that can right all wrongs and disappointments. Voids are filled by the one whose presence is ointment for healing old wounds and hurts. This person anticipates your needs, completes your sentences and knows how special you are. Your boundaries have collapsed into a relationship that creates the mystical union described as “and the two shall become one.” In the words of Professor Levy, you have entered the place of shadows – the unconscious relationship.

Share you comments or ask your question about the unconscious relationship.

p.s. This blog is a beginning of several entries about the unconscious relationship. Stay tuned, the next one is really personal!!!

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Reader Comments

"...My spouse and I have been married for 32 years and I've experienced our relationship from giggly in bed, to passionate in bed, to mad in bed to "sleeping" in bed...As we grow older the intimacy definition changes for me. Intimacy also for me is just sitting quietly, or driving for miles quietly or walking just hearing our footsteps crunch the leaves, holding hands. My usual struggle in intimacy is in my head - I have to intentionally stop my daily to do list, my past and future stuff and live in the present moment..." Pam

it's ... smaller things to celebrate that create the real passion

“We have found that passion ebbs and flows but we set a goal for our relationship a number of years ago that is working for us. At least every six months we do something that will create a lifetime memory. For us, we love to travel, so it's been pretty easy to find something big to do that will create that lifetime memory, but sometimes it's the finding of smaller things to celebrate that create the real passion.” Steve Rae


What'll arouse passion more than the feeling of being forgiven?


“The "typical beliefs that people have when the “fire” seems to have gone out of a relationship" I believe are a) that you feel your partner should have changed or should not have changed and b) that you feel you should change or that you should not have changed.

Acceptance of yourself and your partner leads to forgiveness. What'll arouse passion more than the feeling of being forgiven?” Brian Massey



A word from Russ Hardesty

The realm of relationship is mysterious; filled with magic, surprise, excitement, passion, intimacy, loss, disappointment and creativity. I am fortunate to have a life partner who is at once a mirror, teacher, lover, nurturer, student and companion. In this place of mystery, I continue to grow into a mature, loving and free man. I welcome feedback, suggestions, and comments – which is a gift to me! Thanks for joining the expedition! Russ